Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
