I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
