is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
