If that was your dad, he is hot
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
