i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This baby is an asshole
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i now understand why vodka
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
