my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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