I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
