she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
