PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
