just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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