I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
