so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
