Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm always down for nudity.
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