I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
