you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vagina just clenched in fear
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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