I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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