burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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