I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So vagazzling was a success
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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