i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
