I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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