You can't motorboat a personality
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
