remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
