she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
