I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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