he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
