Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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