this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
