Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
