I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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