the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
