I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
