i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
