I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
