Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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