The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
