so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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