You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
