I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
