My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
