I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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