There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
