now i know why i became what i already was.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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