remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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