I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize