guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
