mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
too bad you live with your parents still
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
