Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
