Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
