I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
