Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
