i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
