Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
