Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
