i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
