So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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