Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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