So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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