I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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