I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
