He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
