I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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