im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
