Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
