I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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