Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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