oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Someone signed my nipple.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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