i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
