I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
as a side note pls kill me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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