Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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