Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have aggressive nipples.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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