You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
