I just saw a hot homeless man
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
