Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
