I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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