i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
