At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
