if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
