Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
