when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
